Ugly Don't Do

The word "professional" gets thrown around a lot as a benchmark of, well, professionalism. Be it your dress, your attitude, its just got to be professional. But here in the beltway, and on the people who claim it as their home, I have never seen more unprofessional people get away with more unprofessional dress. Let me run a few things by you:

• Slender black woman in a peach pant suit, white blouse, and black undergarments that were frilly and bulky enough to not only be seen thru the suit and blouse, but then paraded in front of a client. (PS - She is a self-proclaimed "super organized professional" and if someone ever suggested that she wasn't dressed professional, she'd throw the "disrespect" card in your eye) And yes, the racial aspect was necessary because dark skin under light fabrics is a problem when not managed properly.
• Slender but full-hipped woman in stretch pants made from a print fabric of some italian landscape painting. (PS - She is a tight ass who apparently likes tight fabrics covering her ass) Was that the Louvre that walked by?
• Skinny dude, dockers, hawaiian shirt, brown belt, black shoes. Is that even business casual?

These are just a few examples of choice of dress that DID NOT get challenged by any sort of authority. However, a woman wearing a totally acceptable black blouse with black slacks and 1 inch heels was asked to put a jacket on. Why? Because the authority and her had some sort of history . . . bad history . . . and the authority saw their opening to get even. Sad, but true.

Today, while running my observations by a co-worker, I expressed to her that little of the crap I see people wear on a daily basis would fly back in the midwest as "professional" attire. She, also from the midwest, admitted to me that the rule of thumb on the east coast is "look ugly". If you don't, you appear as if you're trying to be better than everyone else. She claims to have stopped wearing makeup to work, etc because all it did was set her up for others to shoot her down.

Quite frankly, I don't know what the deal is because it makes no sense at all. People are going to fuck with you however they want, you have to roll with it. There is no crime in dressing the part. Sure, cuff links and a jacket won't fly in a business casual environment, but birkenstocks never cut it anywhere. As for all the ugly dressers, I am sure your brain is a beautiful thing no matter what you look like, but if you can't use your head and take off your slutty victoria's secret purchase before you slip on your peach pant suit that looks like it came from a second-hand clown costume shop, you aren't going to get anything more than disrespect from me.

Goin' Clubbin'

Throughout my post-graduate education, much of my time spent studying was done near a computer so that I could listen to music through Yahoo! Messenger. Back in those days, there was pretty much one option when it came to dance/techno music, my preferred study music. That station was called the Dance station. Pretty straightforward.

But not no more, sister! There is now a new channel on Yahoo under the dance category: "Gay Club Mix *NEW*". If you didn't know it was new, they put it in the title for you. And just like gay men, it will never be called *OLD* because things don't age, they just get more distinguished (unless you're Anderson Cooper, and you have pretty much milked the distinguished look dry already).

The last three songs played on the *NEW* station were by Deborah Cox, Justin Timberlake, and Madonna. And none of them were really that dance - ee/techno - ee. In fact, they were more top 40 than dance. Suddenly, I am having a mid-blog revelation: I am not the target market for this new station. "Gay Club Mix *NEW*" is really targeted toward all the girl friends of the gay men that actually go to clubs. Or it is at least toned down a bit to make it more attractive to them. I suppose a "Gay Club Mix For Hags" wouldn't have gone over well (although I am sure it's on a sticky note in a recycle bin somewhere in Yahoo central command). Where are my 8 minute long remixes of Celine Dion? Where are my 5 minute intro's and outro's? Where are my ass grabs and anonymous dance floor rub ups?

"Gay Club Mix *NEW*" looked cute in the subtle lighting, but ewww, rejected.

Next weekend on Yahoo: "Gay Club Mix *JADED*"

Ode to Internet Dating

A friend posted a blog about the stigma associated with meeting people over the internet. It's sad really. If there were stigmata associated with meeting people over the internet it would be much more interesting.

• Hey Susan, how'd you meet your new boyfriend?
• Oh, well Jackie, it's kind of interesting. We started messaging each other in some chat room my son was in. Turns out, my new boyfriend and I were both checking up on what our kids were doing in the chat room and, well, one thing led to another, and we decided to meet for coffee.
• That's so sweet. So is that why your palms are gushing blood all over my new carpet?
• Yeah, sorry about that. It isn't bothering you is it?

But who are we, really, when it comes down to it? Whether it's a soundbite of ourselves on MySpace, or a soundbite of ourselves over a glass of wine, or a soundbite of our orgasm while our face is buried in a pillow, it's all just a bunch of soundbites. Getting to know someone takes time, no matter the medium. Stigma should be attached to anyone who meets other people, no matter what. Meeting people is the dirtiest thing ever. Shaking grimy hands, ewww. At least with sex there is enough alcohol on your breath to disinfect everything you touch/stick it in.

However, while internet hookups should be stigma free . . . wait, did I say hook ups? I meant "dating" . . . meeting people on eHarmony.com should be stigmatized and stigmatatized. I mean, you fill out a survey about yourself and then a bunch of partners are chosen for you. The business plan is a combination of arranged marriage and your friendly neighborhood psychic. That aside, I am a bit suspicious about who is really behind it all. In the commercial, the guy selling the site is a nice old man that bears a slight resemblance to Colonel Sanders and that preacher guy Schuler that dwells in the Crystal Cathedral in California. Fried things and motivational messages are both very comforting, so it is no surprise the "founder" of the site just "happens" to look like "grandpa". The guy has to be a fraud. It's just too perfect. And when things are too perfect, there can only be one thing behind it:

Nazis. Perfection was their thing and purity was their goal. Their business plan generally went something like this - screen those that want to mate so that we only have smart straight whitey fucking smart straight whitey. I can see the little-Hitler's now, brainstorming their way into this century: give a survey to those that want to mate; put it on the internet to make it safe and inviting by making a father figure as it's spokesperson (giggle); identify any characteristics inherent in the applicant's racial make-up through this survey; might even get them to check the box identifying themselves as anything but whitey (giggle); include small tests throughout the survey to identify stupidity (giggle, this is too easy); then the matches made through the website will be completely controlled; as people become more and more dependent on finding mates through the internet, the world will be filled with smart straight white people! Mwhaa hahahahahahaha.

Don't fall for it people. Don't allow your mates to be chosen for you. We need to randomize our sex lives to prevent this sort of catastrophe. Dope yourself up on whatever is under the bathroom sink (listerine), slather on whatever smells good in your medicine cabinet, hit up a college nite at your local pub (every nite at the Hawk), sign your latest paycheck over to the bartender, and buy all those horny pre-med casanova's a few rounds. If you don't get gangbanged, you'll at least get a dork to do you. Or better yet, a multi-racial gay retard.

We can defeat those who wish to control our lives, yes we can.

Gawd Luv Us

The following is a series of emails exchanged over the course of an hour between about 10 individuals who were included on each email. Background info: some friends are coming to DC for pride. Some of the individuals coming to DC recently bought tickets or are in the process of deciding on which airport to fly into. The names have been changed to protect the slutty.

Scott emails:
Southwest to start flights to Washington Dulles!!!

Mike replies, sarcastically:
Yay! Thanks....I just booked my flight to Reagan this morning.

J.r.n emails, informatively:
FYI - flying into Dulles or BWI is rarely worth the savings. Not only does it cost $$$ to get into the city from either place, it takes forever . . . even when it's not rush hour. Fly into Reagan National and you'll still look young when you reach the city.

Scott replies:
Duly noted. lol!

J.r.n replies:
Sorry Scott :-) Did not mean my email to be bitchy at all. Just trying to save everyone some stress and avoid crows feet. You can read my PS bitchy tho. -J
PS. We ain't dropping anyone off anywhere other than Reagan. Have your trick take you, or at least keep you company on the 2 hour bus ride. :-)

John chimes in:
Miss thang, was that a “z snap” that you just did? Check that attitude ;-)

J.r.n replies:
Haha, a z-snap and a bitch slap. Always in combination. Always a 6.0 for execution and artistry :-)



On a side note, unfortunately I will miss pride in DC due to a heterosexual pre-divorce ceremony (wedding) I must attend. (I have nothing but statistics behind this statement, in no way do I think my friends are ever going to get divorced, they are just too cute) Which reminds me I need to buy them a wedding gift. Anyone know where I can get a gift certificate for a divorce settlement? Kidding. Like 99% kidding, I swear.