Observation .4
Just a few things I realized in the last week:
1. The Oscars are a lot more fun to watch when you have a bottle of wine to yourself. For some reason, who knows why really, the emotions of the winners just come alive. You won? OMG, you won! I'm so happy for you! . . . even though I never saw your movie and don't care for you as an actor. And just as an aside, if you cannot agree with the following statement, I never want to speak to you again: Crash?!!!! WTF?!!!
2. Free weights can be dangerous. Like most things, it's not the 50 pound free weight suspended over your head that usually kills you. Instead, it's the metal that coats the free weight. I don't know what the metal is, zinc maybe? zinc oxide? zinc brain cancer? All I know is that the metal likes to flake off and land in your eye. Maybe next time I cry, my tears will be rust colored.
3. Dolly Parton knows how to work a crowd. Did you see her on the Oscars? All that woman had was a microphone and an empty stage and she had the crowd more excited than the performances that required burning cars, pimps, and dancers. Ok, she had more than just a microphone . . . she had half the world's supply of collagen helping her out. But just as I was about to pity her, she proved why she's still in the business. (If my opinion of her performance seems a bit out of touch to you, blame it on the wine)
4. I am not part of the Mickey Mouse demographic. Within the last week I woke up to mouse ears on the Sportscenter logo. I hope whoever dreamt that idea up got fired.
5. "Pimp" does not rhyme with "rent". (lyric from 3-6 Mafia song that won the Oscar: "It's hard out here for a pimp . . . (something something) money for the rent.") Even if you pronounce it "rint", it doesn't work. It would be better to pick a word not remotely similar, like "mortgage" or "lease". Oh wait. That vocabulary would have been inappropriate for the genre. Let's see . . . maybe they should have just made up a new word that means "rent" but rhymes with "pimp".
- "Hey roomie, you paid the zimp this month yet?"
- "Hell no man, you raided the cookie jar last weekend remember?"
- "Why would we put zimp money in the cookie jar?"
- "Uh, cuz it's where we keep the zimp so the cops won't find it there."
- "What? You mean the weed man?"
- "Yeah, that's where we agreed to keep the zimp and the money for the zimp."
- "Man, weed isn't zimp. Rent money is zimp!!! How we suppose to get this word to catch on so we can rhyme it in our song if you can't keep it straight?!!"
- "Dude, sorry. We can work on that later, but you have got to check out this chic's fine ass on MTV, she is so fetch."
1. The Oscars are a lot more fun to watch when you have a bottle of wine to yourself. For some reason, who knows why really, the emotions of the winners just come alive. You won? OMG, you won! I'm so happy for you! . . . even though I never saw your movie and don't care for you as an actor. And just as an aside, if you cannot agree with the following statement, I never want to speak to you again: Crash?!!!! WTF?!!!
2. Free weights can be dangerous. Like most things, it's not the 50 pound free weight suspended over your head that usually kills you. Instead, it's the metal that coats the free weight. I don't know what the metal is, zinc maybe? zinc oxide? zinc brain cancer? All I know is that the metal likes to flake off and land in your eye. Maybe next time I cry, my tears will be rust colored.
3. Dolly Parton knows how to work a crowd. Did you see her on the Oscars? All that woman had was a microphone and an empty stage and she had the crowd more excited than the performances that required burning cars, pimps, and dancers. Ok, she had more than just a microphone . . . she had half the world's supply of collagen helping her out. But just as I was about to pity her, she proved why she's still in the business. (If my opinion of her performance seems a bit out of touch to you, blame it on the wine)
4. I am not part of the Mickey Mouse demographic. Within the last week I woke up to mouse ears on the Sportscenter logo. I hope whoever dreamt that idea up got fired.
5. "Pimp" does not rhyme with "rent". (lyric from 3-6 Mafia song that won the Oscar: "It's hard out here for a pimp . . . (something something) money for the rent.") Even if you pronounce it "rint", it doesn't work. It would be better to pick a word not remotely similar, like "mortgage" or "lease". Oh wait. That vocabulary would have been inappropriate for the genre. Let's see . . . maybe they should have just made up a new word that means "rent" but rhymes with "pimp".
- "Hey roomie, you paid the zimp this month yet?"
- "Hell no man, you raided the cookie jar last weekend remember?"
- "Why would we put zimp money in the cookie jar?"
- "Uh, cuz it's where we keep the zimp so the cops won't find it there."
- "What? You mean the weed man?"
- "Yeah, that's where we agreed to keep the zimp and the money for the zimp."
- "Man, weed isn't zimp. Rent money is zimp!!! How we suppose to get this word to catch on so we can rhyme it in our song if you can't keep it straight?!!"
- "Dude, sorry. We can work on that later, but you have got to check out this chic's fine ass on MTV, she is so fetch."
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posted by J.r.n at 5:50 PM
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