Dangerously Cool
Yesterday, while shopping at the local Puma store, I saw a jacket . . . black, sleek, windbreakerish . . . that had a vertical zipper in the middle of the back of the jacket. If you wore it, anyone walking behind you would wonder what the fuck the 10 inch zipper was for. Perhaps ventilation? According to the store clerk, the jacket doubles as a backpack and/or the zipper on the back opens to a pouch that can be used as a backpack. I didn't really care to know which it was badly enough to listen to this guy try and speak English to me again.
But on the way out of the store, I couldn't help but think that the jacket was actually the perfect terrorist accessory. Who knows how much homemade explosive you could pack in that thing unnoticed. Sad that thought even had to cross my mind.
I remember the days back in the midwest, when the closest I came to being afraid was when I laughed at a talk show radio host for suggesting that the intersection of I-70 and I-35 would make the most sense to blow up if he was a terrorist. His reasoning was based on the idea that those two interstates carried so much commercial traffic across our nation that bringing down the interchange where they intersect would cause such a great interruption in our economy the terrorists would nearly win. Apparently he had never considered the miraculous invention called a "detour".
The Puma jacket just struck me as a bit too convenient a delivery device. If I was a crazy member of the House of Representatives in today's political environment, I might introduce legislation barring the innovation of new clothing with "new" ideas for pockets and pouches. The bill would probably receive the endorsement of groups like Focus on the Family too because we all know that pockets allow for pocket pool, a horrible sin in their book. Vote for the bill = you are tough on terrorism and support conservative family values. Vote against the bill = you are in the back pocket of the fashion industry, which is in bed with Hollywood, which we all know is run by the Gay Mafia.
Fortunately, I'm not a member of the looney bin, so I am left with my power as a citizen. And a good citizen would start a non-profit fundraising organization to buy up all the jackets to keep them out of the hands of terrorists. Or I could just buy one for myself, stick a piece of kevlar in the pouch, and hope I am facing the right direction when Mr. Al Qaeda forgets to take his anti-psychotic
But on the way out of the store, I couldn't help but think that the jacket was actually the perfect terrorist accessory. Who knows how much homemade explosive you could pack in that thing unnoticed. Sad that thought even had to cross my mind.
I remember the days back in the midwest, when the closest I came to being afraid was when I laughed at a talk show radio host for suggesting that the intersection of I-70 and I-35 would make the most sense to blow up if he was a terrorist. His reasoning was based on the idea that those two interstates carried so much commercial traffic across our nation that bringing down the interchange where they intersect would cause such a great interruption in our economy the terrorists would nearly win. Apparently he had never considered the miraculous invention called a "detour".
The Puma jacket just struck me as a bit too convenient a delivery device. If I was a crazy member of the House of Representatives in today's political environment, I might introduce legislation barring the innovation of new clothing with "new" ideas for pockets and pouches. The bill would probably receive the endorsement of groups like Focus on the Family too because we all know that pockets allow for pocket pool, a horrible sin in their book. Vote for the bill = you are tough on terrorism and support conservative family values. Vote against the bill = you are in the back pocket of the fashion industry, which is in bed with Hollywood, which we all know is run by the Gay Mafia.
Fortunately, I'm not a member of the looney bin, so I am left with my power as a citizen. And a good citizen would start a non-profit fundraising organization to buy up all the jackets to keep them out of the hands of terrorists. Or I could just buy one for myself, stick a piece of kevlar in the pouch, and hope I am facing the right direction when Mr. Al Qaeda forgets to take his anti-psychotic
posted by J.r.n at 1:53 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home