Commandments, etc.
A friend's blog started a brainstorm of my own on what it really takes to form the basis of a religion or some other sort of life-influencing philosophy. You can check out his blog, of the minimalist genre, here: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=95318252&blogID=150738847&MyToken=a5638ca5-6312-49e4-a6e9-8e784d5a3265
I know I might be a few years behind the times with this observation, but the little WWJD bands are a religion in themselves. No, not a praise jesus religion. I'm talking about fashion. The bible belt realized that if you can't prevent your neighbors couture from seducing your teenage followers, might as well get your own little piece of fashion to get your followers back on the right track, at least on the outside. The catholics have been doing this kind of thing for years. Back in the middle ages, necklaces must have been the newest tool of the devil ever invented, or we wouldn't have the rosary. I still think the rosary is the coolest mafia/ninja/hitman weapon ever. Especially when it's wrapped around the neck of a priest. Too much irony? Maybe.
But if it really only takes a slogan or a sentence that induces some thought and introspection to form the basis of one's religion or philosophy, can't we come up with something more compelling than WWJD? The answer to WWJD is easy: the right thing. Yet again, A+. Sunday school never really was much of a challenge for me. So I'm going to try and challenge myself with a more compelling question:
Who would Jesus fuck? Cliche? Maybe. Answers -
"Jesus would fuck no one because he is pure." Wrong. Jesus was a man. Men fuck. Sometimes they even fuck each other.
"Jesus would fall in love and only 'make love' to his wife." Wrong. Jesus was a man. Men fuck. Love making happens on occasion, but fucking happens more. Saying the words "I love you" does not make it love making.
Jesus would fuck all the beautiful people. Wrong. True, as the son of god he's probably gorgeous, well hung, and could attract all the hotties like flies, but isn't that a bit gluttonous? Jesus would be violating his own principles if he only did the hotties.
Jesus would fuck the less fortunate. Religion is equal opportunity right? Jesus reached out not just to the rich men but also to the poor, diseased, and infirm. So if you have leprosy, jump on the jesus train. This is the best answer for those that subscribe to the "Jesus as martyr" theory of religion. These people are also hell-bent on making themselves martyrs, and are therefore supremely lame.
But unfortunately, I don't believe my own lines of bullshit. At least not individually. So let's review them as a whole. If Jesus is a man, he wants to fuck all the hotties. If Jesus is the son of god, he has to be hot as fuck. If Jesus is as principled as he'd like us all to believe, then he'd at least have to keep up the charade and not discriminate against those a mortal would rather not fuck.
I'm left with the conclusion that "Jesus would be a slut". He would get on anyone he wanted and he would get on anyone who wanted him. Jesus is love, often an emotion jumpstarted by fucking. Jesus does unto others as they do unto him. Jesus would be on top, behind, underneath, and within every one of us . . . he would be the omnipresent fuck. How biblically consistent. Of course, like a porn star, he'd have to get high every time he fucked to keep from crying.
So unless jesus is a mormon and married everyone, he's also a dirty fucker who fucked everyone before he was married to them. So this simple question, who would jesus fuck, has reached an impasse. Jesus could either be mormon sinner or he could be a sex-before-marriage sinner. Of course, this whole stream of consciousness is an exaggeration, but it's this sort of fabricated religious conundrum that causes people to surrender their own decision making ability to priests, preachers, cultists, etc; it's this sort of thinking that gives rise to rules with no basis in reality; it's this sort of thinking that causes people to be racked with personal guilt when they violate rules imposed upon them by others.
Instead of listening to other's commandments for life, listen to your own. It's what I do. Narcissistic? Maybe.
Or you can listen to Joey's commandments on my friend's blog. At least then you'll laugh while you are racked with guilt.
I know I might be a few years behind the times with this observation, but the little WWJD bands are a religion in themselves. No, not a praise jesus religion. I'm talking about fashion. The bible belt realized that if you can't prevent your neighbors couture from seducing your teenage followers, might as well get your own little piece of fashion to get your followers back on the right track, at least on the outside. The catholics have been doing this kind of thing for years. Back in the middle ages, necklaces must have been the newest tool of the devil ever invented, or we wouldn't have the rosary. I still think the rosary is the coolest mafia/ninja/hitman weapon ever. Especially when it's wrapped around the neck of a priest. Too much irony? Maybe.
But if it really only takes a slogan or a sentence that induces some thought and introspection to form the basis of one's religion or philosophy, can't we come up with something more compelling than WWJD? The answer to WWJD is easy: the right thing. Yet again, A+. Sunday school never really was much of a challenge for me. So I'm going to try and challenge myself with a more compelling question:
Who would Jesus fuck? Cliche? Maybe. Answers -
"Jesus would fuck no one because he is pure." Wrong. Jesus was a man. Men fuck. Sometimes they even fuck each other.
"Jesus would fall in love and only 'make love' to his wife." Wrong. Jesus was a man. Men fuck. Love making happens on occasion, but fucking happens more. Saying the words "I love you" does not make it love making.
Jesus would fuck all the beautiful people. Wrong. True, as the son of god he's probably gorgeous, well hung, and could attract all the hotties like flies, but isn't that a bit gluttonous? Jesus would be violating his own principles if he only did the hotties.
Jesus would fuck the less fortunate. Religion is equal opportunity right? Jesus reached out not just to the rich men but also to the poor, diseased, and infirm. So if you have leprosy, jump on the jesus train. This is the best answer for those that subscribe to the "Jesus as martyr" theory of religion. These people are also hell-bent on making themselves martyrs, and are therefore supremely lame.
But unfortunately, I don't believe my own lines of bullshit. At least not individually. So let's review them as a whole. If Jesus is a man, he wants to fuck all the hotties. If Jesus is the son of god, he has to be hot as fuck. If Jesus is as principled as he'd like us all to believe, then he'd at least have to keep up the charade and not discriminate against those a mortal would rather not fuck.
I'm left with the conclusion that "Jesus would be a slut". He would get on anyone he wanted and he would get on anyone who wanted him. Jesus is love, often an emotion jumpstarted by fucking. Jesus does unto others as they do unto him. Jesus would be on top, behind, underneath, and within every one of us . . . he would be the omnipresent fuck. How biblically consistent. Of course, like a porn star, he'd have to get high every time he fucked to keep from crying.
So unless jesus is a mormon and married everyone, he's also a dirty fucker who fucked everyone before he was married to them. So this simple question, who would jesus fuck, has reached an impasse. Jesus could either be mormon sinner or he could be a sex-before-marriage sinner. Of course, this whole stream of consciousness is an exaggeration, but it's this sort of fabricated religious conundrum that causes people to surrender their own decision making ability to priests, preachers, cultists, etc; it's this sort of thinking that gives rise to rules with no basis in reality; it's this sort of thinking that causes people to be racked with personal guilt when they violate rules imposed upon them by others.
Instead of listening to other's commandments for life, listen to your own. It's what I do. Narcissistic? Maybe.
Or you can listen to Joey's commandments on my friend's blog. At least then you'll laugh while you are racked with guilt.
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posted by J.r.n at 8:48 AM
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