Reinventing Registries
Today, while chatting with my friend Heather, and both of us bitching about the world in which we all live, the following came to me in a vision.
Wedding registries need to go the way of Jon Benet. They are a tired tradition. Today, most couples bring to the relationship a Noah's ark of utensils, George Foreman grills, and dishes . . . and no one needs two of everything. I only know two couples whose wedding's I attended that actually needed all the stuff they registered for. They were younger when they got married and they were definitely not rolling in the dough. Interestingly, the most destitute of couples I know didn't register anywhere, but instead requested charitable donations be made to some mission fund in lieu of gifts! I was actually offended by this because they needed to stock up on some Pottery Barn shit badly . . . don't be a martyr when you don't have to be.
I know weddings are expensive. Not my fault. I know receptions, with all their liquor and beer, can be expensive. Again, not my fault. I know that bringing a gift is a way of celebrating the couple's new union. Unless I set them up on their first date, not my fault. I know that bringing a gift is a way of thanking the couple for the fun party they threw at the reception. This "fun" is always debatable. Fun for a bunch of mascara-cake'd bridesmaids is not fun for me. Fun for mom and dad of the groom is probably not fun for me either. And not showing up because I'm pretty sure it's not going to be fun is not a choice, because I'll get bitched at for being a bad friend.
Solution: no more wedding registries unless you are under 25 years old and/or you live near the poverty line for your social group. You know what I mean . . . a doctor and an attorney getting married would still be near the poverty line if they were friends with Paris Hilton. But that same couple should not register if their social group is Mr. and Mrs. McDonald's Managers. And if you are going to bitch about how expensive the reception is, do what bars do: implement a cover charge. If I know there is free booze, I'll pay 20 bucks to go to your reception. Maybe even 30 if I like you. But don't push it bridezilla - you better have a handle on how much your "friends" are really willing to pay to see you show off your new self-confidence, which we all know is temporary.
Gift registries would be much better served to alleviate, rather than create, stress. For instance, xmas time is the perfect time for us all to register. Then we can announce where we registered in our xmas cards to all our friends. No longer will anyone agonize over what to buy their friends and family. Shopping in December would be easier, faster, and the stores would love it. Fewer returns after xmas, too. And unlike weddings, there really isn't an obligation to buy everyone who registers at xmas a gift. It's a wish list, not a contract for goods like a wedding registry.
Little gee god, thank you for blessing me with kick-ass ways to make the world better.
Wedding registries need to go the way of Jon Benet. They are a tired tradition. Today, most couples bring to the relationship a Noah's ark of utensils, George Foreman grills, and dishes . . . and no one needs two of everything. I only know two couples whose wedding's I attended that actually needed all the stuff they registered for. They were younger when they got married and they were definitely not rolling in the dough. Interestingly, the most destitute of couples I know didn't register anywhere, but instead requested charitable donations be made to some mission fund in lieu of gifts! I was actually offended by this because they needed to stock up on some Pottery Barn shit badly . . . don't be a martyr when you don't have to be.
I know weddings are expensive. Not my fault. I know receptions, with all their liquor and beer, can be expensive. Again, not my fault. I know that bringing a gift is a way of celebrating the couple's new union. Unless I set them up on their first date, not my fault. I know that bringing a gift is a way of thanking the couple for the fun party they threw at the reception. This "fun" is always debatable. Fun for a bunch of mascara-cake'd bridesmaids is not fun for me. Fun for mom and dad of the groom is probably not fun for me either. And not showing up because I'm pretty sure it's not going to be fun is not a choice, because I'll get bitched at for being a bad friend.
Solution: no more wedding registries unless you are under 25 years old and/or you live near the poverty line for your social group. You know what I mean . . . a doctor and an attorney getting married would still be near the poverty line if they were friends with Paris Hilton. But that same couple should not register if their social group is Mr. and Mrs. McDonald's Managers. And if you are going to bitch about how expensive the reception is, do what bars do: implement a cover charge. If I know there is free booze, I'll pay 20 bucks to go to your reception. Maybe even 30 if I like you. But don't push it bridezilla - you better have a handle on how much your "friends" are really willing to pay to see you show off your new self-confidence, which we all know is temporary.
Gift registries would be much better served to alleviate, rather than create, stress. For instance, xmas time is the perfect time for us all to register. Then we can announce where we registered in our xmas cards to all our friends. No longer will anyone agonize over what to buy their friends and family. Shopping in December would be easier, faster, and the stores would love it. Fewer returns after xmas, too. And unlike weddings, there really isn't an obligation to buy everyone who registers at xmas a gift. It's a wish list, not a contract for goods like a wedding registry.
Little gee god, thank you for blessing me with kick-ass ways to make the world better.
Labels: Commentary
posted by J.r.n at 9:06 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home