Too soon?

It's never too early to start listing the things I want for Xmas:

A puppy that doesn't shit.

A car that doesn't require a parking spot.

A cookie that doesn't make me want to brush my teeth after eating it.

A computer that appreciates in value.

A cable news network that only comes on the air when there is actually news to report.

A religion that gives me money and gives others guilt.

A pop star that doesn't donate to charity.

A Playstation 3.


Shouldn't be too tough to find me one of those things, should it?